I’ve never been short on motivation. It has always been there for me with my writing. But lately, I’ve felt this giant brick wall standing in my way. I am a hopper by nature, and I tend to jump from story to story, genre to genre, and have learned that I am like that. I’ve enjoyed the fun parts of the hopping, but sometimes even the writers who hop need to finish something.
Today is a day that I can’t do a thing.
I brought up endless books that are swimming on my computer, calling out for my attention, and all I can do it stare blankly at the screen. I want to sleep. I want to do nothing.
Do you have those days?
I feel like I’m someone else looking at myself and saying, “What is going on here? Where is your drive? Where is your passion to pursue the impossible?”
We are all children.
I know this sounds weird, but buried beneath layers of “Adulthood” we are kids. Do you ever have those fits that you looked back on and said, “I behaved like a 3-year-old there.” I have done this over and over lately, and I think part of it was I heaped too much on myself. If you give a 220 lb guy a backpack that weighs 70 lbs he’s probably going to be fine, but if you hand a child that same weight they are going to crash.
- Know your limits!
- Know what makes you overwhelmed!
- Step back and take a breath, even if it feels like you don’t know how.
I’ve found myself unable to “step back” or “relax” it’s like my brain has been on high gear for years and doesn’t know what the word fun means. Fun to most people is socializing, playing games, going outside etc. Somewhere along the lines my fun ratio was confused, and I literally had no idea what was even fun to me anymore.
We loose joy sometimes.
We layer on “stuff” and somewhere we bury the inner kid who seriously just wants to enjoy life and have fun. I’m too busy for fun. That is probably the one thing I’ve told myself multiple times. So when I have time for fun, it’s like…hmmmm…now what?
If this all sounds super familiar to you, and you’ve literally forgotten how to have fun, time to reevaluate what you’ve been putting on your back.
- Are you wearing a 70 lb bag of “stuff” that you can’t handle?
- Are you bottling up emotions that are boiling to the surface?
- Are you struggling with every area of your heart and stress is creeping in everywhere?
If you are. Let’s go together and rediscover the word fun.
Ask yourself: What is fun to me? Is anything? Anything at all?
For me, this is a hard question. What is fun to me. I know what used to be fun when I was a kid. Playing, playing, playing. Being outside, playing basketball, climbing things, getting muddy, making videos with my friends. All this stuff made me happy, but as I grew up, its like fun became some distant thing.
Part of me thinks my fun died with my friendships when I hit 20.
This is a blog to express some stuff, so if this is going to make you bored I won’t be offended. But, I think I NEED to write this part.
When I hit 20 every friendship I’d ever built died. My friends in fact brought me chaos at the time, even before our friendships died they were stressful. Especially one of them. She was very taxing on my emotions all the time, and I found myself not enjoying our time together, unlike my other friend. One of my friends we always had fun, but we were 5 years apart and slowly the age gap began to be a thing.
She got friends her age, and me being me, retreated from her instead of pursuing. It’s been a flaw I’ve had forever, and I think I didn’t know how to be self-confident and speak up for myself and actually pursue her back. So needless to say, at the age of 20 my source of any fun was gone with friends, and it had been faltering for a while anyways.
From age 10-20 I had so much struggle with friendships it was uncanny, and by 20 I was done. I was so done. I was a huge, huge, huge mess, and had no idea how to process anything at that time.
Before this blog turns sour, I want to say that God has always had my back. He’s always been this friendship that’s unwavering and has always had someone in my life to hold me. I’ve never known how to get that part of me back. The fun side. I’m not saying I’m boring or that I never ever have fun, but some of that childhood from 10-20 was so mixed up. Before I moved at age 10, all I knew was joy. All I knew was fun.
I was sitting on my bed thinking way, way back and remembering me and my best friend Mandy watching Hulk Hogan on this little TV in her basement. It made me smile. I started thinking about all the fun stuff I did with my friend Mandy, and every piece of that is JOY. Every piece. It makes me tear up because I want that back.
I want joy.
I want so much joy that it overwhelms me and makes me who I want to be. Not this ball of emotional stress that hits me sometimes. I want to be able to breathe joy and live there.
God and I are working on this stress stuff, and I know that He desires me to live in joy. In His presence is FULLNESS of joy.
- A friendship should bring joy.
- A spouse should bring joy.
- Your passion should bring joy.
- Your family should bring joy.
Its so easy to get led astray from joy. To wear a backpack that God doesn’t want you to wear. He doesn’t want you to heap things in your mind that He knows will only harm you.
Let go of stuff.
Let go of frustration
Let’s do this together, okay? I know this wasn’t exactly happy, but I have faith that joy and motivation and fun are all inside of me and you both. I gotta find that little kid who wants to play in the mud. Find her. Find him. Live there.
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Ever since a child, the prophesy has haunted Jonathan.
When aliens rain death upon his village, he is forced into slavery.
Zahara’s entire world shatters. Beyond hope, she finds love with the sexy Jonathan.
When peril arises, the two must flee. Will they unlock the mysteries of the prophesy?
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Natasha House is the author of Citizen, a post apocalyptic romance novel, and the sequel to Red Prophesy. If you enjoy romance, with humor, drama, and passion, then pick up your copy here.
There will be one. One who rises above them all… Or so the prophecy foretells.
Threatened, degraded, his humanity ripped away, Lend is forced into slavery. He never expected to fall for the feisty, redheaded alien, Lila.
Citizens are aliens, they don’t feel. The problem is Lila does, and she is tempted by her handsome, dark-haired, brooding slave, Lend.
But love between Citizens and humans is forbidden. His life on the line, Lend must flee, colliding straight into a force that may be the salvation of the planet.
Is he the one who will rise above them all?